Saturday, July 18, 2020

My Story

...The water tank in our compound at home is mounted on a wooden stand, on one corner I placed a bar soap I was using to wash rather clean my slippers. After cleaning I went back to the house and continued with my usual evening chores. Later before it was dark I went to collect my slippers where I had placed them on top of the tank so that's they dry fast. The same corner of the wooden Stand I had placed the soap (but had already removed The soap) hadn't dried up well, so it was slippery. I convinced myself three times I would step and not slide, climbing up was easy but as I was getting back down(However the distance between the stand and the ground was not that long or rather big.. a very short distance). Little did I know that I assumed something that would cause harm to my legs... In less than a minute I slid, my left knee twisted and I was out of control and found myself lying flat on the ground... I tried to Stand but The pain was unexplainable because my leg couldn't move...The screams were countless πŸ˜”πŸ˜” How I was saved is a story for another day.
The above narrative is as a result of lack of anger management, I was going through a tough season over decisions made out of anger. The anger mountain or monster was building up in me day by day but I hadn't realized that it would cause problems until the above happened.
One would wonder how anger relates to the narrative but I was frustrated with someone who used to work for us as a caregiver and had started frustrating my parents to a point it got to me and I wasn't psychologically stable, such that my emotions controlled my mind.
Back to the narrative, at the time I assumed and stepped on the wooden stand corner which had soap jelly, thoughts that were running through my mind were evident in my actions and since that day I asked myself and I quote "yaani juu ya kukasirika I have a knee that can't be as normal again but can atleast do most of the things and I am grateful to God I can walk as normal".
To be honest that knee still reminds me to-date that I should control my anger at all times and remain calm until all cools down. Can I confess that emotional mind games  convinced me to lie of how I fell and twisted my knee, to everyone?πŸ™†πŸ™† because I didn't want to share what I was going through then and I wasn't ready at all, till today! I am glad God has healed me of many things and allowed me to share this experience.
Do I regret what happened? Yes. But The greatest thing is that It was a good lesson to work on my anger and God has helped me, I am a working progress, so far so good.


Thursday, May 14, 2020

GRACE AND FAITH MOUNTAINS

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was blind, but now I see.
’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed!

The words of this song remind me of how God's grace abounds in us as His children. To be honest I have been saved by that grace not even once in life situations rather life seasons.

I will share an experience of God's Grace over my life inspired by two family seasons that have increased my faith to a level I feel I can now sit with Father Abraham who was considered the most faithful man of God in the Bible.
Back in 2014 at 7.00pm, my mother suffered a stroke and to tell you the truth since I am the one who found her laying down on the floor helpless... I couldn't tell what was wrong, she couldn't talk, she tried but couldn't (My heart sank literally). But mama could try and move her body as if trying to stand up or sit herself down but it was not possible, so that proved she was alive (Thank you Jesus). Long story short I tried to lift her up but I couldn't so I called my dad on phone who was on his way home from choir practice, which he has served in Choir Ministry over a decade that is where I got my love for song. The most shocking thing none of us (dad and I) had financial plans for this sudden and shocking matter, so we started calling friends for help for transport so that we would get my mother to the hospital. We managed to get transport and took mama to hospital, the doctors attended her as fast as possible and reported that high blood pressure caused a stroke and has affected her right side of the body physically. We drove with an ambulance from hospital to hospital for different tests and scans mind you this was at night, finally she was stabilized and back to the main hospital for admission;  by this time it was almost mid-night and I contacted family and friends to inform them of what had just happened and seeking financial aid for the expenses of all tests my mama had to go through.
My mama was admitted for 3 weeks still undergoing treatment and when it was time for her to be discharged it was a whole transition of her coming home and actually recovering while at home. That transitioning was not easy at all, honestly it was not 😒😒; How we(family) managed to date I can only explain with few words: BY THE GRACE OF GOD because it was not our human self that actualized everything it was only by God's Grace. Its been almost 6 years now and God has moulded my character like the song goes "I'm no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God and He unravels me with a melody.." whenever such seasons of great transition come my way, I can only raise a melody to God seeking encouragement and shalom.

Its 2020, the first quarter of the year and as a family walls came crushing down when my dad fell sick😒😒. You know the world called this an year of double portion!! (Isaiah 61:7), but double portion is a journey of mountains and valleys with countless transitions that you only have to trust God in every situation. In such seasons there's no situation or experience too small... nothing is ever measured... all immeasurable, so you have to "Trust and Obey God" no matter what (Psalm 33:18-22). True to it tears have been shed, Questions have been asked endlessly (I mean like actually questioning God), They say Unity is Strength πŸ‘ŠπŸ™Œ- that is one of the things that kept me and my sister going. Long story short the first hospital we rushed our dad to with the help of our aunty, they did try to at least stabilize him but they really didn't sort out the issue because he needed oxygen since it was a struggle breathing on his own. This is a day after Valentines day; 15th February 2020. He had to be admitted, But the whole process of even admitting him was not funny at all, well that's a story for another day because today we are dwelling on Amazing Grace on the mountain, increases our faith....
Sunday, 16th February 2020, 7.00am we go visit dad with my sister(the hospital was within our home area - Gitaru). There wasn't much improvement and he was still breathing heavily which affected his speech, because without enough oxygen in the respiratory system the body cannot function well even talking is usually a struggle. At some point my sister had to go back home and be with mama. I contacted my aunty, my cousin who is a nurse and all family and relatives called on each other to come help us (My sister and I) make a decision about my dad being transferred to another hospital. Whoever God sent to come to hospital that day, He had given them a role to play because the situation wasn't good at all. One of my cousin's called for an ambulance (Yeah I know you might be asking didn't the hospital have an ambulance - remember the hospital ordeal is a story for another day). Everyone was either busy on a call or trying to keep dad awake, others praying, another getting a letter of transfer from the doctor in charge - it was all a roller-coaster of one task to the other.

It was past mid-day and we were already in an ambulance to the other hospital(In Nairobi West) that our cousin recommended by the help of the ambulance people. It was my first time at the back of an ambulance where you actually sit next to the patient and almost imagine you feel his/her pain(Not a funny experience at all, I tend to believe my tear glands were so active, they are hardly active other days(my sister would attest to this), but We sing a hymn - It is well, it is well with my soul, with my soul it is well, it is well with my soul.  
Now remember the mountains and valleys of double portion that I mentioned in the earlier, they were well encountered, dad was admitted in the hospital we transferred him to and all was calm since they attended to him immediately - Thank you Jesus! The warm and kind reception we got at that hospital was exemplary.
My greatest encouragement through this whole season was Trust God even if you don't understand, Just trust Him. The hospital visits took almost one and a half months, there are days when all was bright like sunshine and there are those even darkness couldn't fathom. It was like literally hiking up the mountains and you can't give up in the middle you have to push on no matter what, My sister would relate well with hiking mountains all low and high πŸ˜ŠπŸ˜€. We would go back home with my sister through out those visits and just worship God in prayer and song, we let Him take control fully... we even recorded an audio of our own song!! Woow! isn't God so amazing?
Wait for chapter two where we had to raise a hospital bill of 1.2M in less than two months....

Tuesday, April 7, 2020

A CHAT WITH GOD

Dear God,

I will not raise my voice nor raise a hand to anyone because God says in His Word *BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD*

I will not fight battles physically instead I will let God fight for me because He says in His word "THAT HE WILL FIGHT FOR US*

I will not live in fear because God's word encourages us *BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS*

I will not be timid or fret about what seasons I have gone or going through because The word of God says *HE THAT IS IN US IS GREATER THAN HE THAT IS IN THE WORLD*

I will not complain because *THE HOLY SPIRIT WAS LEFT ON EARTH AS OUR HELPER AND WILL HELP me keep shut when such thoughts come.

I WILL LET GOD TAKE CONTROL, I WILL LET GOD BE GOD OVER MY LIFE IN EVERYTHING.